I’ve been mostly quiet about the things I struggle with internally. Because BOR-ing, right? So the short of it is that I’ve been working very hard this winter to head off depression and find/fix the source of its triggers. (You’ll recognize them as stress, self-esteem, unfair expectations, so on and so on.) A huge chunk of this process has been to shake out all the old “shoulds” that were cluttering my head space to make room for “what is.” The majority of the rest is simply doing. Taking action to do the things that make me feel my best. Latching onto a clue that I need something and fulfilling that need. Banning excuses for not doing those things. Once all of the “shoulds” were (mostly) out of the way, the “I’m going tos” came much more effortlessly and naturally. Then, suddenly, the “what is” became so much more fulfilling. It’s great.
Now I make bread. I exercise outdoors with my youngest son. I run. I wake up early every morning to write. I meet up with new friends. I connect with old friends. I have a rhythm to my days.
I feel like a proper person again. And it’s lovely.