Wonderings

Seeing Differently

Do you ever feel stuck? Like you know there’s some place you ought to be, but you just can’t get there?

A job you don’t love but can’t make yourself leave. A dream that you just can’t reach. Resenting that you’re doing what you’re “supposed to” be doing rather than what you want to do. Or maybe you just have this feeling that “this” isn’t all there is. Maybe like me, you have NO idea what else is out there for you, just this little bit of faith that there’s something.

Been there?

I recently decided to stop trying to figure out my road ahead to get over that stuck feeling. There are so many If/thens with our life in the Air Force. Often the life plans I dream up become disappointments because of deployments, moves (or lack thereof). This is really difficult for someone whose profession is planning, by the way.

Little by little I’ve started to let go of a desire to anticipate possible paths that could lead from the things I do. Rather than calculating a future, I’ve started to just jump into things that call to me. Not many things, and not big things (yet), because it’s important for me to share much of my days with the kiddo. But the ones I’ve picked feel good.

That creative writing class, even though I never fancied myself a writer.

This blog – I’ve finally let go of the nagging feeling I’ve had that it should have a purpose. Being an outlet for my voice is good enough, and something clearer just might come with time.

My camera; suddenly something clicked and I get it and I want to practice, practice, practice.

Right now, I’m participating in Susannah Conway’s Exploring the Senses e-course. Enrollment was free with the purchase of her book This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart, and after following her blog for a few years, this was an offer I couldn’t refuse. And this is a game-changer.

I’m the kind of person whose heart aches when I see or read something stunningly beautiful. Then I think, “Oh! If I only I could be a person like that, who can see and share these things in a way that moves someone.” Sometimes I wonder if I ever had to relocate to Portland, would those cool arty people even like me?

The thing is, I shouldn’t care.

What I should have been thinking is that I’m going to go out and find those things myself. That I’m going to learn the skills I need to share them in the way I want to share. After all, I’m doing this for me. Maybe for my little guy. I don’t have to be doing it for a business, or a personal “brand” (though it’s inevitable that an honest one will emerge). How can I fail at it?

It’s OK for it all to just BE.

So I’ve been frolicking about with my camera, snapping colors (easy) and challenging myself to find shapes and my initials high and low and in ways I’d never otherwise see (not easy). I’ve discovered a beautiful carving in the woods, friendship, new opportunities for creative exploration. It’s invigorating.

I’ve also started meandering through the blogs of my classmates. These are the people out there seeing and sharing beauty. They’re inspiring. And encouraging. And, wouldn’t you know, I’m feeling it. It’s why parents want their kids to hang around good kids – you start to see the world and act like those you surround yourself with. I’ll take radiance and positivity any day!

There’s a long way to go to infuse all of my days with this feeling of wonder I’m after. Yesterday was filled with it. Today was not. Though I suppose recognizing that it’s something I want to strive for is an important first step. What next, I wonder?

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13 thoughts on “Seeing Differently

  1. You know , I think you expressed this beautifully and I absolutely love the statement “It’s OK for it all to just BE ”
    I also think it is all about flow and some days strike closer to the mark than others. When I have a day that doesn’t , or a few in a row I have to remind myself to keep the faith that a more inspiring or creative day is around the corner.

  2. Thank you, Rhiannon! And, yes, there’s flow. I think I was preventing myself from leaping into it for a while, you know? I didn’t know where to find it. Here’s hoping for an inspiring week for you!

  3. you got it sister!!! I think i need to do the same. just do it…or just BE. and go from there. I think we all put too much pressure on ourselves sometime which is likely part of my problem as well!

  4. Lynn –
    If you haven’t read, “The Celestine Prophecy” and “The Alchemist”, I would recommend them both. Nice entry. Some days are really tough and others are flawless.
    Maranda

  5. Loved the post. I also like your statement “It’s Ok for it all to just Be”. Today was one of those days that was tough. But tomorrow will be better. One day at a time for me.

  6. I love it how we all “rub off” onto each other…I feel the same way, when I surround myself with creative people, I often feel so much more creative myself! Wonderful class with Susannah!

  7. Lovely post Lynn. Not only have I ‘been’ there, I _am_ there! Keep on keeping on, your voice is valuable and valued x

  8. I was really touched by your post, Lynn. I’ve been pondering my blog lately, what purpose it serves, who am I writing for? And I knew all along that it was without initial purpose, just somewhere I could meet like minded people, share inspiration and creative ideas. That actually, I am writing for me. Not for a specific audience or ultimate gain. You summed it up so well. Thank you. I feel redirected to where I was going. And I am loving Susannah’s course, not just the daily emails and prompts, but the wonderful opportunity to discover blogs like this.

  9. Such a great post! The first two paragraphs really resonated with me. I’m taking Susannah’s class as well and I’ve also learned to be more in the moment. Sure, it’s great to have goals, but you will never get to where you want to be unless you act today. And, maybe, you won’t end up where you originally thought you might….but you just might end up somewhere better.

  10. Wow! Thank you all so much for the thoughtful and encouraging comments! It’s a big relief that this feels so right. And, Maranda, I’ll definitely pick up The Alchemist again soon. It has been on my “read again” list for a while now, maybe it’s time!

  11. Wonderful post! I can so relate, so thank you for sharing. And, great photos … I especially love the reflection with your initial!

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