Today as I drove to base in the rain, my mind kind of wandered. It recalled this Vanity Fair slideshow of Will & Kate’s first year, which reminded me that they, too, are a military family (just like us, right?). Then my mind headed to a sunny beach in Wales that I invented. Because if it’s not sunny here, it’s probably not sunny in Wales.
Here’s my daydream:
Me and my husband, walking barefoot hand-in-hand, smiling at the sea, with my hair fluttering in the wind and into our faces. There’s a pretty lens flare effect going on, like we’re in a Diet Coke commercial or something.
Our handsome little toddler is running ahead, kicking a soccer ball.
TODDLER: Gock! Gock! Gock!
He kicks the ball toward a thin lady gazing into the ocean, with her hand shading her eyes from our surreal lens flare. The ball bounces into the back of her leg. She turns, looks down at the ball, then looks toward Our Toddler. I am reminded me of the tennis court scene in Disney’s Robin Hood.
TODDLER: Gock! Gock!
DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE: Well, hello. Aren’t YOU gorgeous? [Because that’s what every English lady says to him.]
Our Toddler pretends to be shy and buries his head in his shoulder. Then he whips around with a magnificent smile, exhales through his nose like he does, picks up a rock in the sand and approaches her with his hand outstretched.
DUCHESS: [giggling] Why thank you! You’re a right footballer AND a gentleman!
This is where my husband faints like that Irish guard on St. Patrick’s Day.
ME: [leaving my husband in the sand] Hi! Sorry. He likes to share rocks with everyone. So, how’s the deployment going? Do you guys get to Skype a lot? We should get the girls together for a night out in Cambridge to make the time go faster!
…Etc., etc., just like she’s one of us. Toddler continues to flirt, husband continues to remain incoherent. Eventually we’re planning a trip to Portugal, just us girls.
DUCHESS: That would be smashing! And do pop in for a spot of tea!
There’s a slew of follow-up acts, including one involving her hypothetical future daughter falling madly in love with Our Toddler In the Future while they’re away on a semester-long archaeological dig with a world-renowned professor from Edinburgh University. There’s another one when her husband (you know, the Prince) performs a miraculous rescue mission with the help of my husband, and we all get to meet the Queen and the President and Bruce Springsteen. And then there’s the one where Plato gets schooled in fox hunting.
Where am I in all of this, you ask? Enjoying the food and scenery. And hopefully some sun!