Wonderings

The Big Door

Gulp. May is almost here. Which means June is almost here. Which means we’re almost out of here.

I did the math as I do with anything I’m looking forward to: the end of deployments, upcoming vacations, the birth of my child, etc. Since there are two weekends we’ll be in Indiana visiting family before we jet to the UK, we have a mere 4 weekends left in Omaha. Experience tells me that this is a very very short amount of time. But I don’t have much experience with processing how final that is. Usually the day I’m looking forward to comes and goes and then everything goes back to the way it was. Not this time.

It kind of feels like I’m entering some sort of great, ancient hall. One door is closing behind me and there’s another at the other end. It looks like it’s at once close and far away, like on the strip at Vegas. The hall is fairly empty – gray and stony, with some dust particles dancing in narrow slants of light. It’s quiet except for my footsteps (and allergy-induced sniffles, ugh!). It’s not scary, just serene. There’s no desire to turn back, but if I were to do so I would find that door locked. There’s no place to go but forward. No door to go through but that at the other end of the hall.

In reality, I will be in that hall – neither here nor there – with the two most important people in my life. And a Pack ‘n Play, a suitcase full of diapers and about 3 days worth of underwear for myself that I’ll wash a zillion times before we actually have a place to live over there.

That we’re closing the door on one part of our life and opening one to the next is really starting to sink in. I’m dreading saying goodbye to my friends and family, to packing up our house – our first house! the house of our 20’s. the house where our son was born – to hanging out in an empty house waiting for June 6 to come.

It marks the end of an era. We’re walking out on our Scott & Zelda days in Dundee (extra-punctuated; Walden gave a start to that end). Steve Carrell is leaving The Office. And now we have to go make a new home and new friends and a new life somewhere I have never been. Despite all of the uncertainty, I do look forward to seeing what’s on the other side of that door. Which is good, because this is something we’ll have to do many times in our life as a military family.

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One thought on “The Big Door

  1. Let me know when you’ll be in Indiana. We won’t be coming to Omaha until mid-June but you’ll be gone by then. Also, underwear doesn’t take up that much space, so I would pack more. Just in case.

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