I can’t bring myself to share the nitty gritty of this dreary grey funk that’s hanging over my head. Mostly I don’t have the guts to believe I can post it without judgement/not care about being judged. So I won’t do it just yet.
I want to WANT to have a big New Year resolution. Two weeks ago I did. “Make my wellness a priority.” It’s a big one, and there are plenty of how-to-make-resolutions bloggers who will give me a big fat F for being so vague. The idea was that I could use my Big Resolution to encompass a bunch of changes that I need to make. Cutting back on social media use. Mindfulness. Exercise. Nutrition. Health maintenance. Self care. Letting go. Being my Best Me. And so on.
It’s a lot. An overwhelming A Lot. So that’s probably contributing to this serious case of the Blahs, don’t you think? I mean, am I doing anything right? (That’s rhetorical. I know I am. I haven’t burned down the house, after all. I ordered more Thomas briefs from Target.com so I have a little more flexibility with laundry. So, you know… that.)
I told my husband the other day that I feel like I have senioritis, though there’s no graduation coming up. No “next thing” to look forward to while I coast through This. I feel detached and uninvested in this time.
What a waste.
And that! ^ What a revelation.
I should zero in on Mindfulness. Being present in all that I do. Having an awareness of how my choices – food, reactions – affect how I feel and choosing wisely. Finding the joy and beauty in the mundane. Not letting these days that I get to spend with my (usually) sweet children slip through my fingers. Recognizing when I need to take time to work through a tangle of thoughts to be at peace.
And there we have it. Thank you for being here, for giving me a place to sort this out, for listening.
To 2014 – let’s not miss a moment!